I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
