I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
