i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
