Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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