If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
