Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
