we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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