bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
