I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
