census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
