And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
