I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
