Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
