some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
