Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
