the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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