Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
