It's like God shit irony all over that family
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
