no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
