I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Maybe he injected his testicle?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
