Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
