I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
