I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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