Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
