CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
