This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
