he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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