K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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