I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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