Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
