our cab driver is having phone sex.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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