help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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