there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
