I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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