That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
