if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
