it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize