i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
