My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
