the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
