That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
