Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
