You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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