plz talk dirty to me
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
