I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
