whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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