literally had 100 drinks last night.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
foreskin is a definite game changer
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
