I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize