if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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