When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
