if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Lo siento on account of my penis...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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