So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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