k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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