Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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