Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
