so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize