I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize