Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
