I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
