Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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