bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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