Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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