my mouth tastes like poor choices
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
