did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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