I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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