the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
