I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
