I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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