Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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