walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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