he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
