So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
