he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So here I am, sexting at work.
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